Toni Stone march 26, 2009
401 Buck Hollow Road
Fairfax, VT 05454
yukky
the frost heaves, the bumps, the snow, the rain, the tulips coming up. . .
the tulips under the snow, the bushes with dead blossoms still hanging on them, the yukky old stuff that was under the snow, now showing distinctly how yukky, scruffy and chaotic it is. . .this is all spring. . .back and forth. . .
something different and new coming into being. . .not fully, goodly present yet. not quite stable,
not really coherent, not adequately dependable, but spring no less.
my black cat comes in filthy with dust, so he’s gray not black.
he wants to be welcomed into my office. he wants to land on my desk.
he wants me to kiss him and pat him. i scream, “get the hell out of here.”
i get a wet wash cloth and do him all over. now he is aggravated.
i am aggravated with this new cell phone. it looks good. it’s shiny.
it has a real leather case. Steve enrolled me in it at the AT & T Store.
i said, “yes” and i ran agitated out the door and down the mall
to Joanne’s Fabrics to get out of gadget world and contracts,
and steel, aluminum, and beeping sounds.
i left the check with Steve.
Joanne’s Fabrics had plenty
of soft comfortable fabric to touch.
the phone is like an asshole friend. . .it shuts itself off whenever it pleases.
in the middle of dialing a call, it locks.
then it shows you where to press to unlock it.
after you unlock it, it waits about fifteen seconds before it happily locks up again. before i almost threw it out the window or crushed it with a rock, i asked Steve
to ask the smiley-faced lady to tell it to stop doing that
at the steel-aluminum AT & T store. he agreed something
was wrong with it. the lady said, “no that’s necessary.
if it doesn’t lock itself when you put it in its leather case,
it can start making a movie or taking pictures or go on the internet.”
“oh give me a break. who asked for that?” i scream.
AT&T says you need a new phone because they bought Unicell
and in a few months my old friendly cell phone won’t work.
i don’t want to be a movie producer. i don’t want photos of the tea cup
on the table or some ducks’ head or even fabric at Joanne’s.
i only want a phone. oh please.
three weeks later, i kind of like the weird little shiny thing.
the screen is easy to see in the car. its easier to find people’s numbers,
once i agree to be supported by the thing locking to help me.
i just causally unlock it. now i know how. i know it’s not personal.
i know it’s no big deal.
aggravated is one way how to get to what’s new.
i am aggravated into a future, unlike the past.
i am grateful.
