Toni Stone
401 Buck Hollow Rd
Fairfax, VT 05454
winter withdrawal February 22, 2005
threatened and defensive is what i’ve been feeling wherever i said
i would show up, then when it’s time to show up to do a talk, to work out, to conduct a class,
to keep an appointment, to invent a new book, to get coaching, to give coaching, i don’t want to do what i said.
i want to fall asleep, eat chocolate, go to bed early, not answer the phone, scream at the top of my lungs,
run out of the house,get into my jeep and drive away from where anyone can tell me one more thing i don’t want to hear.
I want to be quiet, to read books, to think about things, to hide, to sit in the snow, to go to my writing hutt, to cry and feel sorry for myself.
my buttons are being pushed when I am forcing against my nature, which wants to rest and
be relieved of demands, commands, decisions, broken copy machines, people being out sick and more freezing nights.
i can feel why bears tuck it in for winter and hide in deep delicious caves
until the growing light throws
a lot more brightness our way.
