Toni Stone
401 Buck Hollow Rd
Fairfax, VT 05454
winter weather March 1, 2005
when i was a young Mother, i thought weather was an enemy.
I would plot against it, get angry with it and or ignore it.
I never felt it had anything to do with me, never mind that it would actually reflect my own inner seasons,
or attitudes, it was just something i had to put up with.
i was glad it changed, but i never like winter.
I knew there were other people who lived in New England like me.
they did more than ignore winter, they ran away from it.
some of them even had two houses. one in New England and the other in Florida.
there they could go to Disneyland and enjoy fantasy all winter long.
but i have come to love the fantasy of winter, and with it, i have come to love my own fear of the dark.
i figured out, finally, that i must be at home and in equanimity with all the seasons and with all my own ways of being, my own inner seasons.
winter is really the time for quiet. i used to think if i was quiet, no one would listen.
winter is also the time for letting go of what is not necessary anymore. i used to think if i let go, i wouldn’t have any thing any more.
winter is for being hidden, detachment, frozen over, REST, and deeper insights. it always seemed if i was behind the curtain, no one would see me.
living more longer and consciously in winter, I came to understand, if you can’t be
behind the curtain, you can’t be in front of it, either. it wouldn’t really contribute.
it wouldn’t make a difference. it would only be an obsession
and not a true choice to be in front of the curtain. I used to tell the training managers,
if you can’t take orders, you can’t give orders. no one will be willing to be ordered by someone who can’t receive directions themselves.
ti takes a lot of a lifetime to understand these deeper truths. it’s not for everyone. neither is New England.
