DOUBT IS LIKE A MAD HOTEL MAID.
June 11, 1999
Doubt is like a hotel maid from another country who does not speak your language.
she is a promise to make everything clean and nice but she just gets in the way. she is constantly bashing, trashing and vacuuming so you can’t hear the voice on the phone. she is under your feet, in the bed, blocking access to the toilet with a spray and clean squirter… she is washing down a mirror, while you are applying mascara. you reach for the towel but she has thrown it in her dirty laundry bag. you were still using it. she was oblivious to your task. she has so many of her own.
Doubt is like a hotel maid that doesn’t have your interest for her concern. she glares and wants to scour the room..
you are an obstacle. doubt is like a belligerent hotel maid who seemed knocking-on-the-door-to-help but once let in,
becomes a menace to what you are up to…she blocks the way under the guise of good, she takes away the tissue to replace it,
rips the bed apart to change it and throws everything into dysfunctional chaos trying to make order…once let in,
she will not easily depart. you tell her, “go away now.” but she does not understand because
you do not speak, what she knows. she does not want to hear you taking back the welcome. you let her in, she’s not leaving
until the room is sterilized again. it must be done by noon. you are in the way. she is not happy.
Doubt is like an angry hotel maid on a very tight schedule and you did not leave her a tip yesterday.. now that she is behind the door with you, there is noleaving until she feels complete with every pillow case, towel, mirror and trash bucket.
Doubt is like a frenzied hotel maid getting the job done when you did not mean to let her in…
she props the door to your suite open, with her laundry bag, leaving
entrance to a parade of young ferocious helpersbringing ashtrays you didn’t want,
notices from the cafe where you won’t eat and little plastic shampoos you do not
use. she is changing the sheets you carefully sprayed with lavender, to give you new ones that smell like the swimming pool.
Doubt is like a busy, purposeful uninvited helper disturbing the harmony of what was next with heaving, hurling, and splattering. rampaging through the rooms she pelts mirrors with cleaner, pitches pillows like weapons, sprinkles chlorinated
scrubbles on your make up case, sends the magazines flying, shoves soaps in the shower
and upsets your personal effects everywhere..throwing together your room, spewing strong disinfectants,
she puts solvents on what did not require solving. she polishes what was already perfect.
